A new fad?

This topic has made me really stop and think lately, has wanting to have a baby become a new fad these days?
We have a 13&15 year old couple who are "in love" and planning a baby,
a 16 year old who has "planned everything out" and "knows what it takes" to raise a baby...yet still using birth control on and off...
a 17 year old planning a baby, wanting advice,
and a 16 year old with a fiancee who is planning a baby too.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY!!??

What has gotten into these childrens minds that they feel this way?
Yes, everyone gets to choose how they live their life, but if these girls lived a day in any pregnant women's shoes i think-or would hope- that they feel differently after doing so.
How is it that a 13-17year old knows better than someone like their parents age?
How do they all of a sudden know what it takes, and know what they are getting into?

All these girls that are planning a baby seem to think they will be praised for planning a pregnancy...is that just code for 'i got knocked up accidentally but i'll tell them i planned it so their not so mad'??
I would bet money that if any of these kids tell their parents their planning a child that they would,
A: have a heart attack
B: supervise their kids relationships ALOT more
C: explain that they would be happier if they continued with their education
there's more but i cannot think of any others right now.
I think the innital shock would do it though.

These kids put so much time and effort in to thinking of all the cute things they'll do when they have a baby, how fun it will be to be a parent, the fact that they'll have "someone to love", how much love their family members will give them...but do any of them stop and think about the challenge it will be? Its alot bigger than they think it is. They cost an arm and a leg, an allowance for doing chores at home wont cut it, neither will a part time job...That boyfriend that their "so in love with" could end up leaving and the teen mother will have to raise the baby herself.
And for all they know, their boyfriends could just be going along with this because they get a free ride, and dont have to use a rubber. So what the hell!
Their parents could end up not being supportive the way they think they will be...There's so many things that could back fire with a unplanned or planned pregnancy.
But none of them seem to care. Their too fixated into the idea of having that cute little innocent baby.
That baby deserves more than just being brought into the world for someone's own needs.

I find it extremely hard to believe that any of these children know exactaly what it takes.
Baby sitting does not qualify you to be a parent.
Being the oldest in your family doesnt either.
All these kids have a few things in common, their selfish, stubborn and unrealistic.
But no one can make then realize this because they know it all apparently.
They know the challenges, know the risks, know the expenses, are apparently more qualified than someone older than them, and have MORE experience in taking care of babies.
Some are even so oblivious, that they actually think that having a baby will mean that their boyfriends will stay with them forever.
Thats not even the case for some marriages!

Sorry just ranting a little because of how stupid some of these teens sound.
What's your take on this?

I read alot of young girls saying that they have nothing else to live for, a baby would make them feel complete, they want someone to love, they want someone to love them.

I'm not picking on you krystine because I really want the best for you, but you did write some of those things about wanting a baby that relates to your low self esteem on ehealth before you were pregnant. Maybe you could be a good role model in the future for young girls if you tell them how it is or educate them?

I don't know if it is a fad or what, but it's definitely "something". Sad, really sad. And pathetic. I don't think anyone who hasn't held a full time job and supported themselves yet should be allowed to receive any government assistance like welfare, etc.

yes i did say that before, but after realizing that it would not be a good thing to plan for myself i changed my decision.
i realized that it would alter alot and takes more than just love to raise a child. which is why i changed my decision.
this pregnancy was not planned, but i do not feel that its a burden either.
Im talking about those who are NOW planning having children 13-17 years old.
The one's who think they know it all.
I thought i knew it all before but i can admit that i was indeed wrong.
I did have a self-esteem issue before, and to be quite open here, i suffer from depression too. But after realizing how much more stressful a child would be, and giving that i was not in a suitable environment to raise a child, i changed my mind completely.

I've grown -i think- alot in a matter of a short period of time, and i still have ALOT of growing to do.
After finding out that i became pregnant with my now fiancee, it has really made me realize that i dont know everything, that a child wont always love you or give you love, and its hard to be quite frank. This baby is not even born yet and there's one thing i know, that this is not going to be easy, but thankfully i have a good support system.
I would never wish for any teen to do this intentionally, but one person cannot change that completely.

And even if i did explain how it is to these teens who think they know it all, im pretty sure i would be wasting my breath.
Im sure some of you have children now, and you can see the blank stares on their faces when you sometimes are talking to them about something serious, or they say ya i understand, but go back to doing the same thing again.
Not to say i would not try, but i wouldn't be surprised if after all that talking/educating etc. that they would go back to their origional plan.

This topic wasnt to be singled out and about me and my past, because i know that i was thinking/being very irrational before with what i posted on ehealth. This is about the girls now, some not even old enough to consent to sex! And the ones who are actually planning and some going through with their plans, thinking they have thought everything out when in reality they have not.
I never actually went through with getting pregnant intentionally. This was unexpected. But im doing what i can now.

I believe you have grown a lot, Krystine.

futureshock wrote:

I don't know if it is a fad or what, but it's definitely "something". Sad, really sad. And pathetic. I don't think anyone who hasn't held a full time job and supported themselves yet should be allowed to receive any government assistance like welfare, etc.

Like people who are blind, physically disabled, and the mentally ill?

Yes krystine, you have changed and grown, & what I meant and it didn't come off very well (sorry) was that you can empathize and understand why teens want babies because you were in a dark spot yourself.

thats true, i could empathize with them.
But then again, i remember still thinking that i knew it all after people gave me tons of advice as to how life changing a baby would be. So i can only imagine that these young girls would say and do the same thing.

Like, right now, on ehealth theres this 15 year old girl who just gave me a PM answering a question i asked her.
Long story short, she had unprotected sex and does not know if she could be pregnant, and i told her anytime she has unprotected sex there's a chance of pregnancy. so suggested she wait for her period and take a test. Then asked if she was trying to get pregnant and if not she should take BC and use condoms.
In the PM she sent me she said "well, yes i am trying to concieve. I dont know the first thing about pregnancy"

So i sent her a reply back and am waiting to see what she has to say back.

Erulissë wrote:

futureshock wrote:

I don't know if it is a fad or what, but it's definitely "something". Sad, really sad. And pathetic. I don't think anyone who hasn't held a full time job and supported themselves yet should be allowed to receive any government assistance like welfare, etc.

Like people who are blind, physically disabled, and the mentally ill?

People with disabilities, etc., are in an entirely different category of assistance, generally they get SSI if they've never worked. They cannot get social security disability if they haven't worked, because they haven't accrued any income. Of course I have no problem with them receiving help.
Welfare is specifically for gaps in employment and income, and that is what I mean.

krystineM wrote:

.
Long story short, she had unprotected sex and does not know if she could be pregnant, and i told her anytime she has unprotected sex there's a chance of pregnancy. so suggested she wait for her period and take a test. Then asked if she was trying to get pregnant and if not she should take BC and use condoms.
In the PM she sent me she said "well, yes i am trying to concieve. I dont know the first thing about pregnancy"

So i sent her a reply back and am waiting to see what she has to say back.

Did you ask her all of the usual questions, like how will she support herself and a baby, where will they live, how will she go to school, work, and care for a child?

I'd also add, how can she think she knows enough to be a mother but doesn't even know anything about pregnancy?

You may want to tell her how hard school is when you are pregnant.

I asked her alot of questions, how she could afford this, the average costs, medical bills, health risk factors to her and her baby since shes only 15 and could damage her body and have a premature birth or other problems, that her boyfriend could end up leaving her...alot.
But, apparently its her "parents belief that to become a real woman you should have the responsibility of a child at 16..." and "thats is how her family has been for the past 9 generations..." so now its her turn...Her "fiancee/boyfriend who shes dated for 8months is excited and works a construction job that pays $20.00 an hour and he works 48hours a week...is that even possible? that would mean he works with no sleep...construction works end their day in the afternoon i thought, i could be wrong though.
Anyways, she's in school but was planning on dropping out, but now that she might be pregnant she's remaining in school.
She is "a very responsible person and everything", "has pretty much raised her 2 siblings from birth, and she thinks she did an amazing job", she knows that "15 is really young to be thinking of a baby but she knows shes ready"


I replied back to her saying babysitting siblings does not qualify her to be a parent now, and just because its a "family tradition" does not mean she has to go along with it. And that when you become a woman its when you get your period, not pop out a baby. i gave her suggestions like finishing high school, getting her own place, opening a savings account for when she has a baby, become financially stable THEN think of having a baby. I even told her that if she knows that 15 is young, she shouldnt be thinking of having one now, because shes not ready. I told her that when she was "raising" her 2 siblings she was not the one who missed school when they were sick, didnt pay for their clothes, food, house, medicine, give birth, wake up at all hours to breast feed, so theres a difference.
I asked how a 15 year old is more capable of having a child now.
I said she would be missing out on a lot of fun things, parties, hang outs, summer vacations with friends..
And that before she has one she should get all her priorities in order.

I have not gotten a reply back from her, so my guess would be that she does not care and this just went in one ear and out the other.
I dont know if this whole family tradition thing is true or not, but if it is i would love to speak with her parents as to why they feel that this is ok. My guess, is that because this is how things go on in her family, she feels its what she has to do and doesnt care about any of the risks, how hard it will be or anything, all she wants is the baby.
I mean if she knows its a young age to be thinking of having a baby, clearly in her sub conscious mind something is telling her your too young, wait a little longer, this is not right but she wont open up and speak up.

oh yes, and i mentioned how going to school pregnant is not a picknic.
i told her how sometimes i would run to the bathroom to puke or miss some days of school,
how sometimes i was falling asleep in my classes and all that.

futureshock wrote:

Erulissë wrote:

futureshock wrote:

I don't know if it is a fad or what, but it's definitely "something". Sad, really sad. And pathetic. I don't think anyone who hasn't held a full time job and supported themselves yet should be allowed to receive any government assistance like welfare, etc.

Like people who are blind, physically disabled, and the mentally ill?

People with disabilities, etc., are in an entirely different category of assistance, generally they get SSI if they've never worked. They cannot get social security disability if they haven't worked, because they haven't accrued any income. Of course I have no problem with them receiving help.
Welfare is specifically for gaps in employment and income, and that is what I mean.

Okay, I figured that's what you meant!

krystineM wrote:

I asked her alot of questions, how she could afford this, the average costs, medical bills, health risk factors to her and her baby since shes only 15 and could damage her body and have a premature birth or other problems, that her boyfriend could end up leaving her...alot.
But, apparently its her "parents belief that to become a real woman you should have the responsibility of a child at 16..." and "thats is how her family has been for the past 9 generations..."

And there's the problem. She just doesn't know differently. It's so sad!

krystineM wrote:

so now its her turn...Her "fiancee/boyfriend who shes dated for 8months is excited and works a construction job that pays $20.00 an hour and he works 48hours a week...is that even possible? that would mean he works with no sleep...construction works end their day in the afternoon i thought, i could be wrong though.
Anyways, she's in school but was planning on dropping out, but now that she might be pregnant she's remaining in school.
She is "a very responsible person and everything", "has pretty much raised her 2 siblings from birth, and she thinks she did an amazing job", she knows that "15 is really young to be thinking of a baby but she knows shes ready"


I replied back to her saying babysitting siblings does not qualify her to be a parent now, and just because its a "family tradition" does not mean she has to go along with it. And that when you become a woman its when you get your period, not pop out a baby. i gave her suggestions like finishing high school, getting her own place, opening a savings account for when she has a baby, become financially stable THEN think of having a baby. I even told her that if she knows that 15 is young, she shouldnt be thinking of having one now, because shes not ready. I told her that when she was "raising" her 2 siblings she was not the one who missed school when they were sick, didnt pay for their clothes, food, house, medicine, give birth, wake up at all hours to breast feed, so theres a difference.
I asked how a 15 year old is more capable of having a child now.
I said she would be missing out on a lot of fun things, parties, hang outs, summer vacations with friends..
And that before she has one she should get all her priorities in order.

I have not gotten a reply back from her, so my guess would be that she does not care and this just went in one ear and out the other.
I dont know if this whole family tradition thing is true or not, but if it is i would love to speak with her parents as to why they feel that this is ok. My guess, is that because this is how things go on in her family, she feels its what she has to do and doesnt care about any of the risks, how hard it will be or anything, all she wants is the baby.
I mean if she knows its a young age to be thinking of having a baby, clearly in her sub conscious mind something is telling her your too young, wait a little longer, this is not right but she wont open up and speak up.

You done good, krystine. Not much you can say that will change nine generations of conditioning. Maybe at least she'll being thinking a little more even if she doesn't tell you.

krystineM wrote:

I asked her alot of questions, how she could afford this, the average costs, medical bills, health risk factors to her and her baby since shes only 15 and could damage her body and have a premature birth or other problems, that her boyfriend could end up leaving her...alot.
But, apparently its her "parents belief that to become a real woman you should have the responsibility of a child at 16..." and "thats is how her family has been for the past 9 generations..." so now its her turn...Her "fiancee/boyfriend who shes dated for 8months is excited and works a construction job that pays $20.00 an hour and he works 48hours a week...is that even possible? that would mean he works with no sleep...construction works end their day in the afternoon i thought, i could be wrong though.
Anyways, she's in school but was planning on dropping out, but now that she might be pregnant she's remaining in school.
She is "a very responsible person and everything", "has pretty much raised her 2 siblings from birth, and she thinks she did an amazing job", she knows that "15 is really young to be thinking of a baby but she knows shes ready"


I replied back to her saying babysitting siblings does not qualify her to be a parent now, and just because its a "family tradition" does not mean she has to go along with it. And that when you become a woman its when you get your period, not pop out a baby. i gave her suggestions like finishing high school, getting her own place, opening a savings account for when she has a baby, become financially stable THEN think of having a baby. I even told her that if she knows that 15 is young, she shouldnt be thinking of having one now, because shes not ready. I told her that when she was "raising" her 2 siblings she was not the one who missed school when they were sick, didnt pay for their clothes, food, house, medicine, give birth, wake up at all hours to breast feed, so theres a difference.
I asked how a 15 year old is more capable of having a child now.
I said she would be missing out on a lot of fun things, parties, hang outs, summer vacations with friends..
And that before she has one she should get all her priorities in order.

I have not gotten a reply back from her, so my guess would be that she does not care and this just went in one ear and out the other.
I dont know if this whole family tradition thing is true or not, but if it is i would love to speak with her parents as to why they feel that this is ok. My guess, is that because this is how things go on in her family, she feels its what she has to do and doesnt care about any of the risks, how hard it will be or anything, all she wants is the baby.
I mean if she knows its a young age to be thinking of having a baby, clearly in her sub conscious mind something is telling her your too young, wait a little longer, this is not right but she wont open up and speak up.

Construction workers work a lot of hours. 48 hours a week is only 8 hours of overtime. That isn't very much. Some people work a lot more than that. Construction is hard, heavy work and they often work long hours (ie, a friend of mine has worked 51 hours in 3 days this week). 48 hours is nothing.

Thank you,
i would hope that what i said to her sticks in her head a little or she thinks about it a little more...
its really sad that she doesnt know that there are other options for herself, and that she CAN say no i want to lead a different lifestyle.
i am really shocked that parents actually believe this sort of thing.
And i just asked her a question:
"...And why did you take care of your 2 siblings? Where were your parents? Were they too busy having a good time that they forgot about you guys? Do you really want that kind of life for your childlren? The oldest taking care of the others? Is that fair?
Your parents probably got pregnant really young too, and were not capable of doing as good of a job as they should have, other wise you would not have taken care of your siblings for them. Dont you think you should use them as an example and wait to have a child?"

Thats just the reaction i got from her when she said that she raised her 2 siblings.

W.S. wrote:

krystineM wrote:

I asked her alot of questions, how she could afford this, the average costs, medical bills, health risk factors to her and her baby since shes only 15 and could damage her body and have a premature birth or other problems, that her boyfriend could end up leaving her...alot.
But, apparently its her "parents belief that to become a real woman you should have the responsibility of a child at 16..." and "thats is how her family has been for the past 9 generations..." so now its her turn...Her "fiancee/boyfriend who shes dated for 8months is excited and works a construction job that pays $20.00 an hour and he works 48hours a week...is that even possible? that would mean he works with no sleep...construction works end their day in the afternoon i thought, i could be wrong though.
Anyways, she's in school but was planning on dropping out, but now that she might be pregnant she's remaining in school.
She is "a very responsible person and everything", "has pretty much raised her 2 siblings from birth, and she thinks she did an amazing job", she knows that "15 is really young to be thinking of a baby but she knows shes ready"


I replied back to her saying babysitting siblings does not qualify her to be a parent now, and just because its a "family tradition" does not mean she has to go along with it. And that when you become a woman its when you get your period, not pop out a baby. i gave her suggestions like finishing high school, getting her own place, opening a savings account for when she has a baby, become financially stable THEN think of having a baby. I even told her that if she knows that 15 is young, she shouldnt be thinking of having one now, because shes not ready. I told her that when she was "raising" her 2 siblings she was not the one who missed school when they were sick, didnt pay for their clothes, food, house, medicine, give birth, wake up at all hours to breast feed, so theres a difference.
I asked how a 15 year old is more capable of having a child now.
I said she would be missing out on a lot of fun things, parties, hang outs, summer vacations with friends..
And that before she has one she should get all her priorities in order.

I have not gotten a reply back from her, so my guess would be that she does not care and this just went in one ear and out the other.
I dont know if this whole family tradition thing is true or not, but if it is i would love to speak with her parents as to why they feel that this is ok. My guess, is that because this is how things go on in her family, she feels its what she has to do and doesnt care about any of the risks, how hard it will be or anything, all she wants is the baby.
I mean if she knows its a young age to be thinking of having a baby, clearly in her sub conscious mind something is telling her your too young, wait a little longer, this is not right but she wont open up and speak up.

Construction workers work a lot of hours. 48 hours a week is only 8 hours of overtime. That isn't very much. Some people work a lot more than that. Construction is hard, heavy work and they often work long hours (ie, a friend of mine has worked 51 hours in 3 days this week). 48 hours is nothing.

oh i did not know that.
and seeing as how its a demanding job, it looks like it would be a lot harder for her at 15 to raise a baby herself really when her boyfriend is at work and coming home exausted.

Erulissë wrote:

futureshock wrote:

Erulissë wrote:

futureshock wrote:

I don't know if it is a fad or what, but it's definitely "something". Sad, really sad. And pathetic. I don't think anyone who hasn't held a full time job and supported themselves yet should be allowed to receive any government assistance like welfare, etc.

Like people who are blind, physically disabled, and the mentally ill?

People with disabilities, etc., are in an entirely different category of assistance, generally they get SSI if they've never worked. They cannot get social security disability if they haven't worked, because they haven't accrued any income. Of course I have no problem with them receiving help.
Welfare is specifically for gaps in employment and income, and that is what I mean.

Okay, I figured that's what you meant!

I'm glad we cleared that up!

I have no problem at all with people getting welfare, disability, medicaid, SSi, etc., etc. I do have a problem with a 14 year old CHOOSING public assistance by getting pregnant instead of finishing school and getting a job.

krystineM wrote:

oh i did not know that.
and seeing as how its a demanding job, it looks like it would be a lot harder for her at 15 to raise a baby herself really when her boyfriend is at work and coming home exausted.

The whole idea of a 15 year old playing house makes me sick.

thats what i also said too and thought.
i mean shes going to miss out on alot!
and i told her that, i even said i would hate to see a 15 year old having a baby when so many things could go wrong, and when she owes it to herself and that baby to give more than just scrounge to get by here and there...
but i have a feeling she has made her decision [even though its not really her decision if you think about it] to have the baby, and live the "fairy tale" life or more like dream.
i guess she doesnt care about the health damages she could do to herself and the baby.
that's one thing that gets me angry, these teens are so "ready" to have a baby, but they dont thate the health factors into consideration. it doesnt seem to cross their mind, or make them stop and think if they should wait at all.